cccxix) Missing.

I think I just lost my anchor on reality.

cccxii) This.

Everything about this: Today.

#264: Don't Count On Me.

If you're showing me that you've made no effort to help yourself first, and that you're planning on just relying on other people for the rest of your life.

Then don't plan on me being one of those people.

"你想得太多了!" (¬_¬)

I have a pretty obsessive personality, always have done - known it for quite a while.

For the most part, I've been able to turn it into a fairly positive character flaw; I'm extremely thorough when thinking decisions through, I tend to see all my projects right through to the end (at the cost of all else), I always keep my (grown-up) promises, I've never (knowingly) let my friends down, I'm good to my word in that whenever I say I'll do something for them, I'll damn well sure will do it.

But there are times when all that analness...obsessiveness doesn't half come and bite in the arse. For instance in the situations where I take to an idea a teensy lil too quickly, but then doesn't pan out as intended... Where the normal thing to do is to shrug it off with a nonchalant "meh" and get on with the next teacup storm... My damn brain will cling on just that lil bit longer and work through every detail of just what the hell might've gone wrong.

The danger here is that if there is no definitive answer, then we go into an infinite loop of endless "What The Hell Happened?!" scenarios... and my damn brain refuses to let go until it comes up with something good enough to rationalise into a reason solid enough to achieve closure.

But lordy help me if I ever come across a situation so befuddling that no amount of mental jiggery can come up with something that can conclusively match whatever the real reason may be...

..Seriously... Help! All it takes is a lil txt/email/msn/note/phonecall to explain just What The Hell Happened? and then I can be done with this.

Pickup the damn phone! (=_=)


Update: Holy crap! Though I told myself that I'd stop after three strikes... turns out the sixth time would be the charm... (0.-)

I finally got my answer! And while I know definitely that I wasn't completely unjustified in my reactions, in the end as it turns out; I'm still my own worst enemy and the title of this post has never spoketh truer.

But at least I can finally lay the matter to bed. Ahhh, peace once more. (^^)


......until the other part of my OCD starts to take steps to try and rectify the situation.

I Control The Weather

<emo-esque bullshit>

Its not an uncommon idea that the weather affects our moods. I mean a sunny day will lift spirits and a gloomy day can often mean a glum face. Apart from those freaks who are cheery all the bloody time. I hate those people.

But sometimes in times of heightened emotion its like we really can affect the weather to reflect our state. When I set up an outing a coupla months ago it rained every day that week up until the actual event itself... where the then clouds parted and the sun shone right through. That was a pretty good day. When I met up with Chris & Yoona in Korea, the wet season was supposed to have started the day I arrived. What actually happened was that it was brilliantly sunny every day I was there up until the morning I left. I then saw the first raindrops after I had said goodbye to my friends and got on the bus to the airport.

However behind all these fronts, there has been a massive low pressure building up quietly quietly softly softly... Its been reported that a typhoon is currently heading in the Tokyo direction.

And if anything's gonna make it hit, its gonna be me.

</emo-esque bullshit>