lii) Crap. Outta Paper.

Now I can't be the only one in the world who's ever considered using the innertube.

#325: And Now, You Will Too.

Whenever I'm in the middle of a big number two with a particularly rapid and excessive throughput...

I always get this image and its signature scream in my head.

I think it's coz we make the same facial expressions.

#300: Scatterbrains.

I think that if I ever became an alcoholic... I'd be one of those functional ones.

The past coupla days, without even leaving the house - I've had a million and one things to do. And they all had to be done at this instance.

Everytime I started on one task, I'd be thinking I should be getting started on another task. There's no focus, there's always another job in the back of my mind, just waiting to be done.

Come to think of it - nevermind the past coupla days, seems like that's how it's been for the past coupla years.

It's quite possibly why I enjoy long distance roadtrips/climbing mountains/hiking so much - they all require the brain to focus on one single task for an extended period of time. It's highly refreshing.

What's with the alcoholic factor? I can't speak for how any other person gets affected, but I find my brightest moments of clarity comes in times of tipsiness. I'm able to fade non-essentials to the background much easier and focus on the task at hand much more readily, whatever that task may be.

Whether it's coz I'm just forced to concentrate that much harder coz I'm aware I'm tipsy or whatever, the end result is still the same: I don't get distracted when I'm drunk.

Maybe that's why Grandad Lee always had a brandy in hand... the source of his cookery genius!

Maybe I should stop being just a social drinker... hmmmmmmmmmm...............

#276: Bigger Pipes, Must Remember: Bigger Pipes.

One of the things I'm finding most difficult about leaving Taiwan, is to fight that urge to throw the toilet paper into the bin next to the toilet.

It gets pretty icky when your reflex action is just a lil quicker than the realisation that there isn't actually a bin next to the toilet...

#265: Winging It.

For all my stressing and fussing before any impending trip, I always seem to abandon all hope just before the start, chuck out my plans and proceed with the, "Ahh let's just go and see what happens." method of embarkation.

Things always seem to turn out well in the end.

Yet, if I decide to just go with the flow from the beginning - I'll spend most of the trip fretting about the lack of prepwork.

Never pronounce something as useless, even if you don't think you're actually using it.

It's all in the process, init.

#255: So... Velvety, Like Drizzling Honey All Over.

As a treat to myself and in celebration of my final month in this apartment, I went out and bought toilet paper.

The extra deluxe stuff this time. Multi-ply with quilts. They're scented too. Lavender, I think.

My bum-parts are loving me right now.

#234: In General.

Individuals are pretty smart.

People are frighteningly moronic.

#228: The Eco Dookie.

Four days into doing the veggy thing, my #2's are gradually becoming more and more earthy green.

Kinda like a meadow on a rainy day.

Think I'll take a picture.

#186: Don't Do It For The Kudos.

While the reason why I live by the "Treat Others As You'd Like To Be Treated" ideology is purely selfish (It makes me feel good about myself). I do hold to it very strongly; it's simply good karma and something I'd definitely try and encourage my future kiddies to live to too.

I'll always follow it up with the warning sticker though - even if they show others the level of respect that they'd wish to be reciprocated back at themselves - they should never, ever, ever expect that to be the actual outcome observed. The world isn't built that way, play to its flow:

The person who is good and decent to others coz they want to be treated good and decent themselves will be disappointed 80% of the time.

The person who is good and decent to others coz they want to be a good and decent person will be smiling 95% of the time.

By taking the external party out of the equation you really do become the master of your own destiny. Whatever the response is - it should not be the majority share in your own disposition. Take the positive and forget the negatives.


Selfish and satisfied... like a true sociopath. =)

#162: One Of Those More Meandering Moments.

So even if we couldn't take our physical bodies out of their existing paths through time... this limitation might only be limited itself to the corporeal elements. Our consciousness's, however, need not necessarily be chained to the same restrictions.

Obviously this is not a new concept, not even close, and the wealth of stories out there - in both fiction and factual studies - shows that this is already a well-explored concept.

But still... just think - maybe the reason why we've never had any evidence of time travellers from the future is coz we can't actually see them. WoooOOOooooo... Or even better... in the future, they've discovered how to piggyback their consciousness's through others and ride backwards through time in that way... reliving the past through our eyes. Unable to change anything, but able to get firsthand accounts of what really happened...

Somebody might be looking through your eyes right now........ =D
So if you ever see me looking at the mirror, and waving hello.

Now you know why.

#157: Equally Lopsided.

In the far-off distant future, one of the things I'm gonna start saying to all eight of my kids - just before they're old enough to understand - is the concept that there is a real balance to the world, but not to mistake that equality to fairness. That image of the Scales of Justice is kinda misleading - what is fair is not the same as what is balanced.

Hmm... I reckon six years old will be a good time to start teaching them that. Yup, I'm gonna have me some enlightened lil brats.

#153: Abre Los Ojos.

You can always tell between those who have worked (or have had parents who have worked) in retail, and those who have not. The difference in attitude is immense.

A person will never fully appreciate the full vitriolic nature of the human bean until they have gone through the trial of the part-time position in a general-public-facing position. Public-relations positions in corporate offices don't count, I'm talking real Joe Public consumers, not targeted clients.

The world would truly become a more understanding (if resentful) place, if it became mandatory practice for everyone to spend at least one summer holiday working in a local cinema/restaurant/convenience store/coffee shop/cafe/supermarket/takeaway/video store/take your pick.

I'm serious about this. Wars could be prevented.

#117: The State Of The Throne.

I tend to judge a country by the average condition of their toilets. For the most part the western world has generally above-average standards wherein we've come to expect a clean, well kept porcelain seat.

In Asia, things tend to go more to either end of the scale. The gold standard is - naturally - Japan, 90% you're almost guaranteed to enter a room so well-kept they could serve as a NASA clean room. Plus, jet sprays. At the other end, you have China, where BYOTP is the general rule of thumb, and squatties still reign.

Taipei is average at best where well-maintained public toilets are still considered a privilege when you do find one, but unfortunately not the norm.

Borneo has surprised me in the quality of their toilets - while not as technically advanced as Japan ones, their level of upkeep is definitely on-par. Most significant of all are the ones at the mountain top. Clean, tidy and with full running flush. A definite departure from a lot of mountain top toilets I've been to - even Mount Fuji.

Ohhh... Fuji toilets... *shudder*

#94: Something About Attitudes and Altitudes.

When watching movies, you gotta set yourself in the right frame of mind in order to enjoy it. Most people wouldn't go see Transformers from an intellectual standpoint, most people watch horror movies to get scared.

Some movies are a bit more tricky to judge beforehand, I went into Clash of the Titans expecting some epic odysseyic saga. A third of the way through I realised that wasn't working and so just sat back to watch puny humans bash on bigass monsters. Suddenly, the movie became great!

Fish!

#39: The Win/Win.

You'll love the good students coz they're hilarious to teach, they do the work, they never give you any trouble.

You'll [eventually] love the bad students coz you work that much harder at getting through to them, there's that whole process of finding the middle ground, the tangible measure of mutual respect coming from survival of battles well-fought.

It's foolproof! What could go wrong?!

#18: Lucky Lucky

I have a private student who tells me that though her work is stressful, she loves her job and she enjoys what she does. I asked her what she thought of her boss and she said that he was a smart and good boss. I told her she was one of the lucky ones who's only worry, was the actual work they were doing at their workplace.

There's a reason why my Starbucks job was my favourite workplace for a time and why I've been able to do this job for so long. After all - a job is just as much about the people you work with, as it is about the work and the money you're making.

Unless you're getting paid obscene amounts that is; then a whole different set of rules apply...

On This Day...

...exactly two years ago I had officially left my position in Japan and was preparing for what would become the most eventfully random coupla months in my life...

In contrast in the same temporal point in Tokyo where I was planning my exit strategy... in Taipei I'm still very much contemplating signing on to stay just. one. more. year... (heh!)

10 mini-observations:

1. Japan has massaging toilets. You just can't argue with massaging toilets.
2. Taipei has spontaneity, oh my days does it have spontaneity.
3. Japan has snow. And snowboarding, oh my days do I miss the snowboarding.
4. Taipei has the most ridiculously welcomingly open event calendar ever.
5. Japan drives on the correct side of the road, and some damn fine roads they are too.
6. Taipei has an efficient transport system that doesn't cost you half your salary to use.
7. Japan has Akihabara.
8. Taipei is in a country where literally any part of itself is just a weekend trip away.
9. Japan has cars, real cars with real gearboxes.
10. Taipei has real people with real emotions.


...and I've still got Korea to get through yet... =)

Have You Ever Noticed...

...that when you fart in the bath, the bubbles are so much more... potent?

I wonder if anyone has ever tried to light one as they pop... (¬_¬)v

Universal Constants: Missed Demographics & Poo Humour Transcends Translation

What was already established in Japan has now to be turned out to be also the case in Taiwan:

I'm befafflingly popular with kids under 10, and middle-aged housewives. Yet it's just that bit in the middle where it all goes eeeehh..... (O.-)

Hehe I'd be set if I was into older women... and adultery... or was just a pedo...


..Wait wha...? (O.O)

---

In other news, met a kindergarden teacher the other day with easily the best.kiddies.book.ever...

Three things:
- 1. Those are dung beetles.
- 2. There's a page that features a sloth with constipation.
- 3. There's a page that features a lion with the runs.

Everything is illustrated. In full colour. With different shades and everything.

Taiwan kids get a much fuller education than a person might expect... (^_^)

Fond Memories...

Since meeting up with the family again both in HK and England, my diet has suddenly been reintroduced to all the great dishes that I've missed in the past 2yrs... home cooked meals, super-oily-chinese food goodness, real steaks! *dribble dribble*

And in a chain of events that is only natural for nature when somebody eats more meat than they've been accustomed to... I'm reminded of this little rhyme I heard when I was younger...

Here I sit, brokenhearted,
Tried to [poo], but only farted.

Good times. =)